My husband, Marriage, and Family

I inadvertently failed to put a picture of my husband up on my last post, so, I'm adding him today.

Ray is a generous man with a big, heavy heart. I met him during a time when I needed a "real" man in my life.

At first, I had no physical attraction to him. He was strictly a friend in whom I confided. When we became friends, I was going through a separation from my first husband, who cheated on me too many times to count, and I did not trust men anymore. But Ray was different. Maybe it was because we weren't romantically linked that I could trust him, but even so, he brought me such comfort and confidence in myself that I got through my divorce without a single tear.

Ray and I began dating 8 months after we met. It was the slowest starting romance in which I've ever been involved. But nevertheless, 3 years later we married, and now 5 years later, we're still happily together.

Being an intern counselor in marriage and family therapy makes me question so much in my own life. I mean, marriage and family are at the heart of our lives. It's what everyone in this world has in common: we all have a family. Of course, some families are dysfunctional and some are downright horrible, some are "normal" and some are fantastic...but we all have a person or group of people we call our family.

As a counselor, I am supposed to believe that when a family's functioning is at a healthy level, then the individuals of that system are stable and happy. However, that's the trick...establishing a healthy family structure or resolving individual problems as a group and supporting every family member. Not all families are willing to be there for one another or accept each other for who they are.

In my own life, I know Ray accepts and supports me for who I am as well as my children do, so I should be a stable, happy person. But then, we have our extended families who get in the way. Our parents, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, neices, and nephews as well as our friends, co-workers, parents of our children's friends, family friends, etc. So, even if our own immediate families are stable and our marriages are healthy, our extended life can make us crazy.

Life is made up of systems: dyads, triads, groups, etc. It seems like I rarely have a moment to myself when it is just myself and no one else. If and when I get that rare moment with myself, it is then that I decide how I am doing, what I am doing, and where I am going. After all, if we can't answer those questions, then how can we be part of a system that is supposed to be healthy and stable?

Sometimes we just need a minute or 10 to figure out if we're okay, to check-in with ourselves and make sure we're happy, to forget about everything and everyone else and self-focus. So, even though the holidays are among us, I suggest that everyone just takes a minute to separate themselves from their marriages and/or families to focus on themselves in order to make their lives better, to decipher if they're happy with who they are and where they're at, to figure out if they appreciate themselves and what they've accomplished, to realize if they want something more and how to obtain it, and most importantly, to make sure that they're satisfied with life and believe life is great.

We all deserve a fulfilling life. And why not make 2009 the year to achieve our desires and needs and resolve our frustrations and complications. My immediate family is wonderful, but my extended family system stinks. If I can resolve my own questions and issues in life, then maybe my life can be complete and the systems of which I am a part stable and happy.

Here's to ourselves in 2009!!!

Pictures

Kayla!!!

Jonah!!

ME!!

Who Am I?

To answer this question, I should start at the beginning...but that would take too long. So, let's start with the birth of my first child Kayla, who saved my life. She is my angel sent from God...

Kayla is almost 12 years old...she's a strong personality and force in my life. She makes me smile, laugh, cry, confused....and makes me want to pull my hair out at times!! Kayla is beautiful...she looks just like her father, dark skin, dark hair, blue eyes....just the opposit of me, except the eyes. She's entering the teenage years...don't we all remember those...AAAAHHHH!...and she's starting to "date," if that's what you call it when you're 12. My husband is having a hard time adjusting to this new phase of adolescence, as am I. We'll see how it goes and have the shotgun on back-up in the meantime :) Just kidding....sort of.

Two and a half years after Kayla was given to me by our glorious Lord....Jonah Ethan was born. He's my 2nd angel, by baby, my pride and joy...and yes, he drives me nuts at times, too! Jonah is 9, now, and going through the "agression" stage that I think all little boys go through. He wants to wrestle, and play fight, and pick on his sister all the time! He loves basketball, football, and baseball. He's going to be a "lady's man" when he gets older, so I'm not looking forward to the phone calls mom's receive from their son's broken-hearted ex-girlfriends. Yes, I'm bragging about Jonah...but what else are us moms supposed to say about our good-looking sons? To me, He's gorgeous and perfect!

My husband, Ray, and I met while we were both working at an Outback Steakhouse in my hometown about 8 years ago. He's not the "father" of my children, but he sure is their "Dad." Ray is the nicest guy I've ever known, and he continues to surprise me everyday. As a marriage and family therapist, I wish I could bring Ray into my sessions with me to show clients how a "real man" supports and loves his wife and children. Ray is a sommelier (wine expert), and he is very good at his job, if I do say so myself. He's introduced me to some of the greatest wines out there. One day, we hope to travel to all of the great vineyards around the world.

So, I'm a very proud mother, satisfied wife, and......a beginning mental health counselor.

I worked as a paralegal for 4 years and just hated my job. I realized I COULD do something about it and went back to school. I've always conceptualized myself as a counselor to my friends and family...a good listener to people with problems. So, I began my second go at an education and majored in psychology. From there I went on to get my specializations in Mental Health Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy. Now, I'm interning and finishing up my practicums and final classes. I can't wait to start my own practice someday.

I love psychology, and I'm especially intrigued by couples and family systems and how every person affects another person he or she interacts with. Observing and assessing family dynamics and transactions is fascinating to me, and figuring out solutions to problems and symptoms is like solving a puzzle....finding the missing pieces or the pieces that do not fit, rearranging the pieces, and putting the pieces back together again in a way that makes sense....and ending up with a beautiful surprise that works. Family counseling is such a rewarding enterprise!!

Besides being a mom, a wife, and a counselor, I am also a free-spirit, a child of God, a student of life, a teacher to my children, a collector of books, a lover of animals, a spectator of people, and a newbie to blogs.

First Post

Hello Blog Land....

I am a newbie just wanting to connect with bloggers and share views, opinions, thoughts, etcetera.

I feel like I'm the last person in cyberspace to finally begin blogging!! I've had my blogspot for over a month, so I'm finally putting it to use!

Any suggestions on my page, settings, posts, etc. are welcomed!!

Let the blogging begin!!